Kotsu Kotsu

I encountered a fantastic  blog post by Tara Brach, a writer I recommend highly for her insight into how we can be happier and be the person we imagine we could be. Here's the opening paragraph: "In the book  My Stroke of Insight , brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor explains that the natural life span of an emotion— the average time it takes for it to move through the nervous system and body—is only a minute and a half, a mere ninety seconds. After that, we need thoughts to keep the emotion rolling. So, if we wonder why we lock into painful emotional states like anxiety, depression, or rage, we need look no further than our own endless stream of inner dialogue .  Modern neuroscience has discovered a fundamental truth:  Neurons that fire together, wire together. When we rehearse a looping set of thoughts and emotions, we create deeply grooved patterns of emotional reactivity. This means that the more you think and rethink about certain experiences, the stro...

I recently traveled in Ireland for a couple of weeks. Irish people have an undeserved reputation for drinking a lot. People there do spend a lot of time in pubs, because pubs are social places where everyone gathers to catch up on the news, chat, and hear music. I think I saw more drunk people during two weeks in Japan. During my trip I only saw one person who might have been drunk. But then again, he might have been mentally ill, or both. I was having a cup of tea at an outdoor table. There were two young women sitting at a table near me. A man sat down next to them. He was obviously living a rough life - his face had deep creases, he had some facial ticks and grimaces, and he looked very sorry for himself. He started to harass the two women for money. "Have you got a Euro? I need it to get the bus." They said that they had just run out of cash, in the polite way we do when we don't want to admit that we just don't want to give someone money, whether we th...

I remember one time I was in the locker room at the Y with my friend Jan. We were putting on our aikido gi (uniforms) before class. There was a little girl of about seven in the locker room with her mom, changing after a swimming class. As we put on our black belts and tied them, the girl's eyes lit up with wonder. "You're black belts ?" she asked. "Yes, we are!" said Jan, smiling. I guess no matter how jaded you are, when you can impress a 7-year-old, it feels really good. As the girl and her mom left, Jan looked at me and said quietly, "...and it's not as hard as you might think. All you really have to do is keep showing up." Of course Jan was underplaying the hard work she's done to achieve a high level of mastery. However, she made a great point. There are times when the most important thing to do is to show up. Whether you're writing a book, running a marathon, entering a violin competition, or just trying to get thr...

Photo ©2014, Stewart Dean, imagovitae.org The other day I was talking to a friend about the incredible performances we've seen on YouTube.    "Ah," he said, "Some people just have so much talent."    "Those people work really hard at it," I said.    "Yeah," said he, "but they're just talented to begin with." To me, that kind of thinking can make you want to give up practicing or playing. If you think you can only be good if you already have "talent," why begin? It's not always obvious how much training goes into being great at something. Most artists downplay the amount of time they spend practicing: it's not interesting to hear about, and it's so much more impressive when it looks easy! Why ruin the image? When we watch YouTube videos, we only see the results, not the hard work. After years of knowing, working with and playing with many musicians and artists, I'm convinced that nobody,...

Recently after an aikido seminar, a bunch of us convened at a local restaurant with Sensei . As I was chatting with someone next to me I looked up, and Sensei met my eye across the table. "Judy, what do you think of Sensei this time?"  I laughed and said, "Sensei, you're even more amazing than before !" (First principle of ethical speech : Is it true? Yes. He was definitely more amazing.) Somewhat tongue in cheek, since the answer is the point of all his teaching, I asked him, "Sensei, how do you do it ?" He pulled up his sleeve to show me (for probably the 100 th time) the way he can keep his forearm and biceps totally slack and soft. And he said, (for probably the 1,000,000 th time,) "Judy: the secret is, I never use muscle !" A friend of mine once lamented, "Why is it you have to be in therapy for years before you hear the thing the therapist has been telling you ever since the first day?" Looking back over my po...

At this time of year everyone's thinking about how to "be better" next year. Here's my thought: So many of us want so badly to be better at something (musicians, aikidoka, life partners, parents...) but if we can't look at our mistakes straightforwardly, we can never identify the steps needed to change. If we want to change, the most important step is to admit we made a mistake. I think it's hard for us to admit mistakes because deep down most of us  think we suck . If we admit to a mistake, it just proves the fact. But this doesn't make sense, does it? If I think I'm bad, I should be happy to improve, right? For some reason, though, admitting a particular mistake is much more challenging than carrying the subconscious burden of "not measuring up." It doesn't matter if it's realizing I'm having a hard time with a particular set of chord changes, or admitting that I actually do text while I drive and it's dangerou...

Some years ago I made a commitment to speak the truth , in other words, not to lie. Since then I have been working to refine my speech, so that, more than simply speaking truly, I speak in a way that is good for myself and others, i.e. ethically. I came across these five tests for ethical speech in a talk by the Buddhist scholar and teacher, Gil Fronsdal . They're posted above my desk. I try (!) not to open my mouth unless my speech meets all five tests. I'm afraid most of the time I end up administering the test after the fact... Five Tests for Ethical Speech Is it True? Is it Kind? Is it Useful? Is it Timely? Does it Create Concord? For me, the last test is the toughest.