Kotsu Kotsu

Long before I was an aikido teacher, I made a decision to remove sexuality from my interactions on the mat. It happened because I found myself inappropriately attracted to another student, and the way I acted as a result bothered me. I'm not sure that the change was obvious to anyone but myself, but for me the benefits were immediate and far-reaching. I stopped unconsciously judging other students by whether they were attractive. I could more clearly see all their human qualities, including their aikido ability. I'm embarrassed to admit that until then, I gravitated toward people who were attractive or attracted to me. Now I have a much wider range of potential friendships and interactions. When I stopped flirting - either overtly or subtly, I stopped being concerned whether what I was doing looked good or was impressive. I started paying more attention to others:  what they needed, what they heard, what they did. I started to develop much more close friendships w...

What's the Attraction? When I first started aikido we used to go out after class and stay out pretty late. A client, hearing about this, said, "Oh,  aikido ? You have to watch out for those  aikido  people..." He said where he was from (San Francisco), aikido instructors were notorious for having affairs with their students. I started wondering: why would aikido teachers have this special reputation? Any teacher is in danger of "falling into" sexual relationships with students of the opposite sex*: students look up to teachers, teachers enjoy the adulation, and so it goes. But I think there's a reason why aikido has a "reputation." First: aikido is   so cool!  When you're start taking aikido you realize you're developing a kind of power you never imagined. It's  awe-inspiring.  And there's your teacher, who  has that power . It's really easy to confuse that great feeling with a sexual attraction. Second: most of the...