Kotsu Kotsu

Everyone wants to feel like they are truly unique, different, better, the best , even though, statistically, with more than 314 million people in the U.S. and 7 billion in the world, well, there's just no way.* In my case, I want to be the best musician, the best at aikido, the best mom, the best driver, the best at everything . Maybe not literally, but somehow deep down I am always comparing. If someone else is better, at some level that means I'm just not good enough. And out of 314 million people, there's always someone who's better. Sometimes this means I'm never satisfied and always pushing to be better. Other times it's depressing and makes me want to give up. And from what I've seen, I have a lot of company in looking at things this way. It doesn't help that there's a strong message in our culture that competition is good. Competition supposedly drives us to work harder, be more productive, invent more and accomplish more. But on some...

One of my musician friends is always making sarcastic comments about her own playing: "Of course, when I play with you guys, I can never keep up," or "My embrasure is so terrible, I just don't practice enough," or "That would have been great solo if I had played it in he right key," or "I'll just play quietly sitting next to you, so you won't hear my wrong notes." She constantly compares herself to others and finds herself wanting. The thing is, she's a really good musician! I used to pride myself on my witty sarcasm. I knew that sarcasm can be hurtful, but I thought it was ok as long as I aimed it at myself. I thought it made me seem clever, discerning and appropriately humble to put myself down. Wrong.  My negativity restricted my ability to play well, not to mention my joy in playing. As adult musicians we're all doing this because we love it. Maybe we're getting paid, maybe not, but were definitely not in ...