Kotsu Kotsu

Traveling in Montreal, my husband and I ate at a noodle shop called Saka Ba! We sat next to the window facing the kitchen (our favorite seats when eating in a ramen shop) and there was this little Jedi warrior. I got back to my room and started looking up Yoda quotes. "Yes, a Jedi's strength flows from the force, but beware of the dark side. Anger, fear, aggression: the dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start down the dark side, forever it will dominate your destiny, consume you it will, as it did Obi-Wan's apprentice." It's so easy to agree with this, and to claim that this is how we practice. Yet, when we find something that really makes us angry, how difficult it is to let go of that anger. As Yoda says, "Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight." How easy it is to believe that our anger is fueling a righteous motivation to act and that without it, we would not rise up to do good in...

A fellow student told me this story: "The other day I got angry. It doesn't happen often. I was in a meeting with a client, and I guess she found one of my "hot buttons" in implying I had been untruthful. I didn't lose my temper, but even so, I felt my response was not demonstrating calmness:  I was angry, and I found myself reacting "point by point" to the accusations. Of course this resolved nothing - it just made us all more tense. Thankfully we ran out of time and agreed to continue the discussion later. "In the meantime, I devoted some thought to what problems she might be having, that caused her to accuse me. I've often seen people in business situations express their frustration and anger toward vendors or their reports, when they're really upset about other things, like instability in the company or a difficult boss. I realized that this client had a lot going on. It may have been unfair that she took it out on me, but so be...

I ran into a friend yesterday who is going through a painful divorce. It was difficult to see him this way. Once a champion bodybuilder, he had lost weight, his thoughts were scattered, he looked and sounded defeated. He was so wrapped up in his anger that he was unable to experience or appreciate anything else: not the caring of the friends who were offering support or the helpful advice that they were giving him, not the delicious food, or the lovely summer day. It sounded like he had been in this state for months, and it may be many months, or years, before he is able to resolve the things that are making him unhappy. Maruyama Sensei has said that in the context of fighting, "being angry is like having your eyes closed." My friend is in a fight and the outcome is vital to him, yet he is holding onto his anger as if it will save him even though the opposite is true. Why do we hold on to our emotions as if they were weapons? I don't have the answer. I just know that...