Kotsu Kotsu

A fellow student told me this story: "The other day I got angry. It doesn't happen often. I was in a meeting with a client, and I guess she found one of my "hot buttons" in implying I had been untruthful. I didn't lose my temper, but even so, I felt my response was not demonstrating calmness:  I was angry, and I found myself reacting "point by point" to the accusations. Of course this resolved nothing - it just made us all more tense. Thankfully we ran out of time and agreed to continue the discussion later. "In the meantime, I devoted some thought to what problems she might be having, that caused her to accuse me. I've often seen people in business situations express their frustration and anger toward vendors or their reports, when they're really upset about other things, like instability in the company or a difficult boss. I realized that this client had a lot going on. It may have been unfair that she took it out on me, but so be...

Remaining calm under stress is part of our training in Kokikai Aikido . In self defense, calmness is essential in order to react quickly and effectively.  Calming the mind can help widen your perspective, allowing you to see additional ways to handle the situation.  The ability to find c almness also has great benefits in daily life. Even if you don't think you are typically anxious or "stressed out," practicing some simple techniques to find calmness can help you make better decisions and act in more effective ways. Of course, many people live with stress and anxiety that's caused by issues that are not in their control. Finding calmness may not help those issues themselves, but it can help change the way you approach them, and that can make a big difference. How to Practice Finding Calmness Some exercises, like focusing , are best practiced when you are already calm. But I suggest practicing calmness when you are not feeling particularly calm. I...

Any of these women can walk you to your car. The other night as I left a music jam session after 10pm, I was asked if I needed an escort to my car. I reminded the guy who asked that I have an advanced martial arts degree. He looked like that wasn't a very convincing assurance of my ability to defend myself. I joked, "If you would like, I can walk with you to your car and protect you." I was bothered by this interaction. It was as if 18 years of training was unimportant when faced with a difference in gender. I have no beef with this guy personally. His response was based on social conditioning; it is not normative to imagine a woman could protect herself better than a man, or that she could protect him . But the fact is, someone who is well-trained in martial arts is more likely to have a fast and appropriate reaction to danger than someone who is not. And successful self defense simply does not depend on superior physical strength. For example: is physical str...

From the moment we first bow onto the mat in a Kokikai Aikido class, we can work on finding the best feeling.  One mistake many students make is practicing too fast. This encourages stiffness and does not allow the opportunity to be sensitive to how you feel or how your partner feels. Once you're comfortable with practicing a technique slowly, then you can start to increase your speed, but always stay aware of how it feels. You may decide to slow down again to try to catch a new idea, or to regain your best feeling. Another mistake beginners often make is to focus on the outcome. It's easy to pay most attention to whether, or how hard, your attacker fell, or whether you could overcome his or her resistance. Remember that if you practice stiffly and without the correct feeling, you  will  get better and better… at being stiff and having incorrect feeling . In order to help their students practice with correct feeling, some instructors  discourage  resista...