Don't Strive to Be the Best

By -
Everyone wants to feel like they are truly unique, different, better, the best, even though, statistically, with more than 314 million people in the U.S. and 7 billion in the world, well, there's just no way.*

In my case, I want to be the best musician, the best at aikido, the best mom, the best driver, the best at everything. Maybe not literally, but somehow deep down I am always comparing. If someone else is better, at some level that means I'm just not good enough. And out of 314 million people, there's always someone who's better. Sometimes this means I'm never satisfied and always pushing to be better. Other times it's depressing and makes me want to give up. And from what I've seen, I have a lot of company in looking at things this way.

It doesn't help that there's a strong message in our culture that competition is good. Competition supposedly drives us to work harder, be more productive, invent more and accomplish more.

But on some level that's, frankly, insane. I do want to be a better musician and better at aikido. And I can look to certain musicians and aikidoists to show me what's possible and how to accomplish it. But that doesn't mean I'll only improve by comparing myself to them and coming up wanting.

Really, the opposite is true: if I'm always comparing myself, I constantly feel bad about myself. I know that feeling crappy about myself is not the best way to go about playing music. In aikido one of our basic principles is to keep "Positive Mind."

Question #1: Can I teach myself to appreciate the abilities of my fellow musicians and aikidoka, without being competitive? ("I'm better than him." "I'm worse than her.")

Question #2 (Because I like to consider the "big picture"): Would society fall apart if we all stopped comparing and competing? Or would some things be better?

*Unbelievably, I seem to be the only Judy Minot in the U.S. There's at least one Judith Minot in France.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How to Make a "Rush" Woven Seat Chair Using Old Jeans (or Fabric Scraps)

By -
Image
I used the technique for weaving a rush chair seat to make a chair seat using old jeans. The antique ladderback chair is just the right height for me to practice my Québécois button accordion. Fabric Choice Although at first I considered using t-shirt strips (also called tarn), I decided to jeans because denim is stronger and not stretchy. I had some old heavy linen fabric that would have done the trick, too, but I didn't have enough for the whole chair with either linen or jeans. I decided not to mix them, at least not for my first chair. I was advised, (correctly!) by other crafters, that all I had to do was out the word out, and I’d get donations. I sent out 4 emails and literally went shopping and there were two pairs of jeans on my doorstep. I had five more pairs by the weekend. (Now I need another chair!) Some Pointers Before I describe the process, here are some pointers. I don't recommend doing this with a stretchy fabric. Therefore, if you use jeans, avo...
Read more

Keep One Point

By -
Image
I've been slowly but surely writing of a series posts devoted to each of the  four basic principles of Kokikai Aikido . One of these is Keep One Point to Develop Calmness. We spend about 90 minutes in each aikido class, and most students practice once or twice a week - only a small proportion of the of hours we are awake each week. It may be plenty of time to spend doing a demanding physical exercise, but we need to spend more time working on the underlying principles for them to become second nature in our bodies. Fortunately, all of the basic principles are easily practiced at any time, not just in class. We can easily practice finding and keeping One Point while off the mat, and test the results when we're back on the mat. What Is One Point? One Point is a concept closely related to your center of balance. Centuries ago martial artists discovered that if the mind is focused on keeping this point low, one becomes stronger and harder to move. In Kokikai, we first...
Read more

What is Ki?

By -
Image
The concept of Ki , or lifeforce, exists in many cultures. In Chinese it's Chi or Qi , in Sanskrit,  Prana . In western culture, while we may say someone has a soul that is distinct from their physical body, the soul is connected to the individual.  Ki, as it is understood in Japanese culture, is a universal force that permeates everything. Individuals may manifest more or less ki, but it is a connecting force between everyone and everything. In Japan, ki is an everyday concept that's found in many common phrases . For example the phrase "O  ki o tsuke te," which means "take care," literally means, "apply ki ."   "O genki desu?" the most common way to say "How are you?" means, literally, "Do you have ki ?"   "Ii k imochi," a phrase heard often, particularly in popular songs, means "(What a) good feeling." "Ii" means "good" and "kimochi" literally means having, o...
Read more