Do You Measure Up?

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One of my musician friends is always making sarcastic comments about her own playing:
"Of course, when I play with you guys, I can never keep up," or
"My embrasure is so terrible, I just don't practice enough," or
"That would have been great solo if I had played it in he right key," or
"I'll just play quietly sitting next to you, so you won't hear my wrong notes."
She constantly compares herself to others and finds herself wanting. The thing is, she's a really good musician!

I used to pride myself on my witty sarcasm. I knew that sarcasm can be hurtful, but I thought it was ok as long as I aimed it at myself. I thought it made me seem clever, discerning and appropriately humble to put myself down.

Wrong. 

My negativity restricted my ability to play well, not to mention my joy in playing. As adult musicians we're all doing this because we love it. Maybe we're getting paid, maybe not, but were definitely not in competition with each other. When I play in a jam, a session, a workshop or any kind of get together I don't think, "What a crappy musician, that person should just go home!" I might possibly think someone could pay more attention, share the spotlight, or learn the etiquette before jumping in so fast, but these are not issues of musicianship. I'm happy people are playing, period.

Can we all let go of the "I'm so unworthy" script? It doesn't make you play any better. If anything it makes you play worse. And it makes your fellow musicians uncomfortable by introducing the idea of comparison, when nobody was comparing. And if they were, well that's their problem.

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