I'm not complaining, but...

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I often think about the way that our habits of speech change our personality.

I have more than one friend who always seems to speak in complaints. They are wonderful people. They are my friends. But here's what I've noticed:
  • When you complain a lot, you make a frowny face a lot. I know that I look better when I smile than when I frown. I want to look good. So I try not to complain.
  • When you complain, people around you may react by getting defensive, or they may mentally distance themselves from you. They may even start to avoid you in general. I think that most people who complain are looking for community - they want someone to agree with them. Unfortunately complaining often has the opposite effect. 
  • Habitual complaining messes with your head. I've already written about Tara Brach, who says that "Neurons that fire together wire together." If your brain is used to complaining, you start to look for things to complain about. You'll find them. Slowly but surely the world becomes a less fun place to be.
I am saying this as someone who has experienced it. I used to be described as "prickly." I thought it was sharp and cool and intelligent to criticize people and things. I was the master of the "acerbic, slightly funny, but with a germ of honesty" comment. I thought I was so clever at coming up with these zingy remarks. Maybe that was true, but people stayed at arms distance. 

I have far more friends now, and I'm happier, since I've "reformed" to make my speech more positive.

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