Seeking Perfection

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When I practice piano, I'm working on doing something better. It might be improvising within a certain scale, or keeping my left hand rock solid, or improvising according to a particular concept, or even just having good posture and relaxing my face. But invariably I mess up. I get out of time, I tense up, I play a note outside the scale. This is a source of endless frustration!!!! Can't I ever get it right? Even once???

I realized that my problem was in seeking perfection.

I've worked for a long time to let go of the idea of perfection in my meditation. I know that the practice of meditation is in coming back from my "flights of fancy": back to the breath, back to my body. The progress comes in that returning, and is not measured by the length of time I can remain "thought free," or in some perfect state.

Self-measurement, in my music practice, was defined at an early age, in piano lessons where I was assigned a piece and told to learn to play it as written - without mistakes. Therefore, "without mistakes" became my yardstick, in piano as in many other areas of my life.

I wonder what would change if I stopped trying to play without mistakes. What if, instead, I gave myself brownie points for awareness? That way, both "staying on the beat" and "coming back to the beat" would have the same value, instead of one being "good" and the other being "mistake." Maybe, instead of constantly chastising myself I would be giving myself much more positive feedback.

I'll give it a try.

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