How I Learned to Say "Sensei"

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"No, Sir!"

When I first started practicing Kokikai Aikido, I was an adult. I had never in my life called anyone "Sir" or "Ma'am." A child of the egalitarian '70's, I had grown up with a disdain for titles.  I knew from my son's karate lessons that in a martial art class the teacher would expect to be addressed with some title - my son's teachers had been "Sir" and "Mr. Dave."  I wasn't looking forward to it. It felt...awkward.

At the same time I wanted to make a wholehearted attempt to try this martial arts thing, and if that meant bowing a lot and adhering to some strange Japanese etiquette, I was willing to give it a shot.

Like any traveler setting foot in a strange country, I kept my eyes open and my senses alert in my first aikido classes. But as it turned out, my instructor was pretty informal.  I saw that some people called him "Dan Sensei," others seemed to avoid saying his name, and still others called him "Dan." The bowing was minimal. And the strange Japanese etiquette was pretty non-existent.

As time passed I got to know Dan. Other people called him Dan Sensei, but not me. We actually became pretty good friends. He let me know in the course of many conversations that he personally didn't care what people called him, and that he was as much a countercultural anti-authoritarian as I was, if not more so. At the same time, he often expressed how much respect he had for his own instructors. I noticed he called them "Dave Sensei" and "Roni Sensei," both in class and outside of class, even after years of practice and a certain level of friendship.

Then there was the guy who runs the school. Well, it was easy to call him Sensei - He's Japanese, and Sensei's his name. He has a first name and a last name but everyone calls him just "Sensei." I just couldn't (and can't) imagine calling him by his first name.

Respect: It Starts With You

One thing that "Sensei" often said was that we should respect our instructors, and then in turn, when we became instructors our students would respect us. That was interesting. What he didn't say was that instructors should insist on being respected. They should show respect.

I thought about this. This was exactly what my instructor practiced:  he respected his teachers, Dave and Roni Sensei, and of course their instructor, Sensei. He never told me I had to respect him. But, I realized, I really did respect him.

At this point I was probably a brown belt. I made a decision to start calling Dan "Sensei." In fact, I decided to call him "Dan Sensei" any time except we were not in an aikido situation. And, after the first few times, it didn't feel weird at all. In fact, it felt good.

Time has passed. I feel much less uncomfortable calling people by the title of "Sensei." I'm aware that it's my choice to give that respect, it can't be demanded. At the same time, I feel more generous about respecting others. I have an easier time with titles in general: "Doctor," "Professor" "Reverend," even "Colonel."

I don't insist my students call me "Judy Sensei." I do hope that they can respect others, and I hope I can be a good example for them.

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