That Little Voice That Says You Suck!

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piano keys
The other day my piano teacher said that he sometimes practices the piano using an intention or mantra, the way people may do at the beginning of a yoga or meditation practice. I thought he meant a mantra, like: "I will practice relaxing my hands," or "I will focus on what scale I'm using to improvise." But it turned out he meant something like, "I will sound good and people will like the music." What? This is someone who has been a professional musician for over 35 years and has played with many of the greatest musicians in jazz. That's his mantra?

My piano teacher is a smart guy. He knows that all the technique in the world is useless when faced with a lack of confidence. And I think there is a little voice inside all of us that can respond to stress with some variation of, "I suck! I suck!"  Sometimes I swing between "I'm so fantastic!" and, "I suck, I suck, I suck!" Some people tell me that they don't experience this, or they have somehow "dealt with it," but I'm sorry, I don't believe that!  It may not be continual, but we all have to face that voice, sometimes, usually even more when we're under stress. 

"So what?" you may say. "It's no big deal, everyone has the same problem. Why change?" 
Well, obviously it doesn't feel good to go around feeling bad about yourself.  It's not good to delude yourself that you never make any mistakes, either.  But there are numerous studies that demonstrate that people perform better when they feel good about themselves.  They get more done, they get better grades, they are more creative, etc. etc.

Subjective experience supports this conclusion:  I play music much better when I feel good about my ability.  As soon as I start thinking how bad I am, I go into a downward spiral.  In Kokikai Aikido we teach this concept specifically, with the principle of positive mind.  Sensei loves to demonstrate how simply thinking, "I can," instead of "I can't," changes our mind and body coordination to make us stronger.

"OK, so what can I do?"
Make your own little voice. It's a better little voice, anyway than the one that is getting made by your subconscious.

Try the mantra - that's a cool idea.  Try it before you set out to do something particularly hard (speaking in public).  Or maybe something particularly boring (driving to work). I suggest making it a set period, though, not "forever."  And, most important: find a time to do it every day.  Make it a practice.  Like any "mantra," don't worry if you stray away, just come on back.

Use positive reinforcement:  If you get good results, notice them, give yourself some credit! If your drive to work was less stressful, hey, that's great!  If you only said "like" 30 times during the presentation instead of 100, that's also great!  If you don't feel like you've made progress today (I suck, I suck, I suck!), look back a week or a month.  Yes, you're making progress.

You truly don't suck.  You can trust me on that.

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