Don't Strive to Be the Best

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Everyone wants to feel like they are truly unique, different, better, the best, even though, statistically, with more than 314 million people in the U.S. and 7 billion in the world, well, there's just no way.*

In my case, I want to be the best musician, the best at aikido, the best mom, the best driver, the best at everything. Maybe not literally, but somehow deep down I am always comparing. If someone else is better, at some level that means I'm just not good enough. And out of 314 million people, there's always someone who's better. Sometimes this means I'm never satisfied and always pushing to be better. Other times it's depressing and makes me want to give up. And from what I've seen, I have a lot of company in looking at things this way.

It doesn't help that there's a strong message in our culture that competition is good. Competition supposedly drives us to work harder, be more productive, invent more and accomplish more.

But on some level that's, frankly, insane. I do want to be a better musician and better at aikido. And I can look to certain musicians and aikidoists to show me what's possible and how to accomplish it. But that doesn't mean I'll only improve by comparing myself to them and coming up wanting.

Really, the opposite is true: if I'm always comparing myself, I constantly feel bad about myself. I know that feeling crappy about myself is not the best way to go about playing music. In aikido one of our basic principles is to keep "Positive Mind."

Question #1: Can I teach myself to appreciate the abilities of my fellow musicians and aikidoka, without being competitive? ("I'm better than him." "I'm worse than her.")

Question #2 (Because I like to consider the "big picture"): Would society fall apart if we all stopped comparing and competing? Or would some things be better?

*Unbelievably, I seem to be the only Judy Minot in the U.S. There's at least one Judith Minot in France.

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