Anger

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I ran into a friend yesterday who is going through a painful divorce. It was difficult to see him this way. Once a champion bodybuilder, he had lost weight, his thoughts were scattered, he looked and sounded defeated. He was so wrapped up in his anger that he was unable to experience or appreciate anything else: not the caring of the friends who were offering support or the helpful advice that they were giving him, not the delicious food, or the lovely summer day. It sounded like he had been in this state for months, and it may be many months, or years, before he is able to resolve the things that are making him unhappy.

Maruyama Sensei has said that in the context of fighting, "being angry is like having your eyes closed." My friend is in a fight and the outcome is vital to him, yet he is holding onto his anger as if it will save him even though the opposite is true.

Why do we hold on to our emotions as if they were weapons? I don't have the answer. I just know that my emotions do not represent reality; many times they obscure it. And I know that reality is precious: it's all we have!

Whenever I find myself battered by unpleasant emotions, if I can step back just one step, if I can open my eyes just one bit, I'm on the path to more equanimity and understanding. When the emotions are strong, this can be very, very difficult to do: more difficult than lifting heavy weights, daily sparring practice, or a three-hour workout. But it does get easier, and the rewards are great. After all, don't you think that you could solve your problems better if you had more equanimity and understanding? 

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